|Smaug's Dream Tea @ Adagio|
But I'm not writing.
I'm reading. Blending teas. Drinking tea. Creating art. Not writing.
Earlier this year, and for a year, I fought a with a book I thought I could win, and it didn't work out. It wasn't writing a book. It was unknowingly fitting all of the horrible, personal things that have happened into one text and then reliving them all over every time I read it, every time I edited it, every time I thought about it.
I grew to hate it. Fear it.
I honestly believed it was just one of those writer-things, you know? "Oh gawd, I hate revising. Revising is the devil."
And trust me, it was that too.
And I did learn a lot--I grew tremendously as a writer.
But as I edited and revised and fought and fought and fought, I broke myself apart. Every time I did anything, I would revisit my father's funeral. His death. I would remember all of the things I failed at and all of the things that I've dreamed of and lost.
It was a good story.
Not a great story.
It wasn't a good book.
It broke me in half.
I know as writers, we are supposed to write from within ourselves. We're supposed to take our experiences and put them on paper and make the writing truly authentic.
And I will, again. When I stop thinking and obsessing over writing and actually write. I have a million stories inside of me, and I'm now equipped to write them fearlessly.
Until then, I've been reading books. I'm reading all of the books. And drinking all of the tea. Making all of the art.
It'll happen soon. I can feel it. You can only hold yourself back from doing something you desperately love for so long.
That was the end of my blog, but, quickly, my tea! It's Tolkien-inspired and you can buy it at Adagio Teas! Here is a link to the tea, the art, and the links to buy: TEA